Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
everyone felt shitty even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass,
I settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter,
I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big dick,
I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew in a moment the fUcker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
the son of a bItch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight,
"piss on you all and have a hell of a night."